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and gentlemen, the Tommy Cooper Hour!

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With his special guests, Irene Shearer,
the Black Theatre

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of Prague,

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Georgie Fane,

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In person, your host and star, Tommy
Cooper.

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Thank you.

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Thank you very much.

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I've locked it. I can't get out.

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I've locked in.

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Thank you.

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Thank you very much.

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What are you doing?

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You're supposed to be an entrant.

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Oh, ladies and gentlemen, Tommy Cooper!

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Oh.

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I went there with somebody else.

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There's a little trick I'd like to show
you now, which I picked up. I don't know

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who dropped it.

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Did a trick now with a piece of rope.

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But we watched very, very closely.

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And, uh...

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What?

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What do you mean, come off? I just come
on.

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Now with a quick flick of the rope.

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I had to tie a knot at the bottom of the
rope.

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Just a little flick.

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And my teeth hit.

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Just a little flick.

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And a big knot appears at the bottom.

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What's that?

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A lot of people can't do this.

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Look, I'll show you what the knot looks
like. It looks like that.

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Stop

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hanging

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about and get dressed.

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I was walking with him the other night,
and a man came out from the doorway.

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And he said, have you seen the policeman
around here? I said, no, he's a

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stickamon.

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There's a man rowing down the street
like that.

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Not like that, like that.

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And a policeman stops him.

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Well, he would, wouldn't he?

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He said, what are you doing? He said,
I'm rowing. He said, you haven't got a

44
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boat? He said, I haven't. Oh, dear, oh,
dear.

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As a cloud that flows through hills and
hills.

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this. I said, look at this deer. I
always call her deer.

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She's got antlers sticking out from her
head.

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No, I'm only joking. I've got the best
wife in England.

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The other one's an African.

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said to his wife wife he said and she
said yes purse

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she used to call him purse just like
that purse i don't know why his name is

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fred and he said do you know there's a
snail on the front doorstep and she said

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did you kill it he said no it got away

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I want you to watch me very closely.

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There's nothing in my hand.

56
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Even my elbows are empty.

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That's funny, isn't it?

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Did you kill it? No, it got away.

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Do you know, I laugh at myself sick
sometimes when I think of that.

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That one.

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I do, and it's terrible.

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Laughing and being sick at the same
time.

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There's nothing but he can do it.

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Don't be miserable.

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Would you, sir, think of any number you
like between 1 and 30?

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Have you thought of one, sir?

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Yes. Right. Now, this is mine of a
matter.

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If you don't mind, I don't matter.

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This is the form of hypnotism.

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And they say that hypnotism is from the
mind. Well, it's not. It's from the

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hips.

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Think of that number all the time, sir.
Think of it all the time.

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And I won't influence you in any way at
all.

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24, 24, 24, 24, 24, 24.

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You've never said 24?

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No.

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I told you not to tell me, didn't I?

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Well, would you believe it or not, sir,
inside here I've got an envelope with a

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sealed... It's completely sealed. Inside
is a number.

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Now, what was your number, sir? Be
honest. 17.

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17. And here's the sealed envelope
inside here with a number.

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Oh, there's a monkey here somewhere.
Sort out yourself.

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All right, all right, all right.

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Besides the lakes, beneath the trees,
fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

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I'll do a quick impression now.

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You know, sometimes when you see these
men on board a ship, aircraft carriers,

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and they call them batmen, you see,
because they bring the planes in like

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onto the aircraft carrier.

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You see them, don't you? They guide them
in, like that, you see.

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You have my impression now of one of
these men on his aircraft carriers,

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the planes in, and he's had too much to
drink.

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Time to announce your first guest, Tom.

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God, it's not Tuesday already, is it?
Well, you were particularly... How time

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flies. It does.

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You were particularly proud of our first
act.

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Oh, you're quite right. Ladies and
gentlemen, it is with great pleasure to

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present to you the black and white
minstrels.

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Correction. Correction. The black threat
of Prague.

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The black threat of Prague.

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Only it isn't them yet.

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Oh, it is not them.

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It's Irene Scheer. Irene Scheer. That.
That.

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Till you sign me down

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Now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to
present to you Percy and his performing

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dogs from Clapham.

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Hold it! Hold it!

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Hold it!

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What's wrong?

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No performing dogs in my script.

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Oh, well, you see, this is Percy. He
owed me some money, you see. Yes.

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And he couldn't pay me, so he gave me
his dog act.

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Have you ever seen these dogs before?

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No, but I know their names personally.

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Well, thank heavens for that. Yes,
always. I know the names. There's Bonzo.

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goes through that, too. See? Yeah. Right
through there like that. And there's

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Prince and Duke. They rub up there like
that. And down there. Marvelous. Takes

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the boards. It's two of them. I haven't
done it again. Yes.

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And the other three like that do flips
like that.

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Terrific. And Henry. Henry. Fantastic.

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Yes. What's he doing? He adds that sum
together.

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Gets the total.

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He does?

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Yes. And then we skip together.

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Good. This I have to see. Can I announce
them?

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Certainly. Ladies and gentlemen, Percy's
performing dog.

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From Clapham.

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What are you talking about?

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Who said Henry was a dog?

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I'll do the son. All right, then.

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Extras wanted.

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Revival of a 1940s musical.

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Apply Globe Theatre.

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I'll do that.

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The times have never let me down.

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Have you seen yourself lately?

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Some of them must have let you down.

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Shut up.

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Shut up, I said.

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Don't you talk to me like that. I'll
talk to you any way I want.

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I'm sick of you.

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And I'm sick of you.

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I'm so sick of him.

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Do you want to make something out of it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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I've got no time to argue with you.

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I'm off for a job in a musical.

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So am I.

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Don't you pinch my job.

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00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,500
It's the first one who gets there first,
isn't it?

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Are you ready? Let's go.

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What's the matter with you? What are you
doing?

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Let's take it from the top.

152
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Oh, not again, honey.

153
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Look, sweetheart, it's not your... I'm
not blaming you.

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It's not your fault.

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If some idiot can't open the door on a
cue... What are you talking to me for

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like that? Again.

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Take it from the top, darling.

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Right spot.

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Lovely work, Charlie.

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Sir Ronnie.

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Come on along and listen to

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Wait, baby.

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That kill the stars, the noise that
hurts the mind.

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The smoking fingers of a million cars
come leaving the city.

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And the walls have glassed. I'm leaving
the city behind.

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The change of clothes, that's all right.

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I believe in traveling light.

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I'll take...

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A change of clothes, that's all I ask. A
leave and

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travel.

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I'll take a train that's saving fat.

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And I'll be there by tonight.

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Leaving the clocks that make you leave.
A life that

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rots.

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Thank you.

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Yeah, it's it. G -V -G -G -G -Vogue.
Woo!

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00:27:34,310 --> 00:27:36,030
Tommy Cooper, top ten time.

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00:27:36,410 --> 00:27:40,990
And we bring you the pick of discs from
the fab fifties. Swingin' sixties. And

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00:27:40,990 --> 00:27:44,950
the strike -ridden seventies. And even
some from the eighties. Including the

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fabulational. Tune that changed the
course of modern history.

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00:27:49,150 --> 00:27:51,970
The Tom Jones classic, Delilah.

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is dilly -dilly -dum.

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00:28:10,950 --> 00:28:12,030
Ask Tom Jones.

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00:28:12,410 --> 00:28:13,990
One, two, three.

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00:28:15,030 --> 00:28:21,750
I saw the light on the night as I passed

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by her window.

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00:28:23,510 --> 00:28:25,490
I saw the flickering

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Well, I can't understand that.

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00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:46,020
Oh, I'm sorry, it's me. Of love on her
blind.

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00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:47,860
We're a bit late in time. I'm sorry.

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00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:51,780
She's not better now. I mean, a joke's a
joke, isn't it?

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00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:55,180
I mean, it's not fair, is it? I mean, I
would play it a bit soon.

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00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:57,560
I'm sorry.

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00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:00,740
She was...

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deceived me, I watched.

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00:29:12,700 --> 00:29:13,700
And frankly,

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And she opened the door.

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00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,960
A poem called Black Theatre of Prague is
our next guest, Tom.

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00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:20,420
Now, ladies and gentlemen, we come to a
further chapter in the fabulous life

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00:37:20,420 --> 00:37:23,460
story of Tommy Cooper. And here he is,
Tommy Cooper.

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00:37:55,310 --> 00:37:59,010
Lots of show business people nowadays
seem to be writing their

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00:37:59,010 --> 00:38:00,270
telling all the intimate details.

203
00:38:00,550 --> 00:38:02,030
Have you ever thought of writing a book?

204
00:38:02,290 --> 00:38:03,330
Well, it's funny you said that.

205
00:38:04,410 --> 00:38:07,970
Because I promised myself when I came
out of the army I would write a book.

206
00:38:07,970 --> 00:38:09,470
didn't you? I joined the Navy.

207
00:38:11,210 --> 00:38:12,950
I'm sorry I asked that.

208
00:38:13,570 --> 00:38:17,990
Now, we've been lucky to get from
Somerset House your family tree.

209
00:38:18,230 --> 00:38:19,350
And here it is.

210
00:38:23,190 --> 00:38:27,260
But there is... There's something rather
strange about it. You see, there's

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00:38:27,260 --> 00:38:31,340
hardly anybody on that side. They all
seem to be on this side.

212
00:38:32,140 --> 00:38:34,060
Now, what do you suppose is the reason
for that?

213
00:38:41,620 --> 00:38:42,620
Pardon?

214
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:46,920
Hardly anybody over there. Everybody
over here. Why?

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00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:51,680
Well, I think the people were so busy
watching people on the other side, they

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00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:52,680
forgot to get on with it.

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00:38:54,350 --> 00:38:56,690
I suppose all those relatives have been
authenticated.

218
00:38:57,050 --> 00:38:58,310
Well, that could be another reason.

219
00:39:00,030 --> 00:39:03,690
Now, your grandfather married a
Priscilla Coleman.

220
00:39:04,310 --> 00:39:05,310
Yes, sir.

221
00:39:05,330 --> 00:39:09,710
I find it very difficult to find any
trace of Coleman -likeness in your

222
00:39:10,350 --> 00:39:13,530
I mean, there's your Uncle Hector, for
instance.

223
00:39:15,950 --> 00:39:16,990
And Aunt Clara.

224
00:39:18,950 --> 00:39:23,150
All very much Coleman. I mean, Coopers,
wouldn't you say? Yes.

225
00:39:24,870 --> 00:39:26,930
Then, of course, there is your cousin
George.

226
00:39:28,550 --> 00:39:30,970
Now, he seems to be one of the comers.

227
00:39:31,630 --> 00:39:33,810
Well, it's funny you say that, because
all the neighbours thought he was one of

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00:39:33,810 --> 00:39:34,810
the milk ones.

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00:39:36,990 --> 00:39:37,990
Now, who's this?

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00:39:38,550 --> 00:39:39,630
Treacle Brain Cooper.

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00:39:40,030 --> 00:39:42,710
Ah, yes, Treacle Brain. He did a lot of
work for the church.

232
00:39:43,050 --> 00:39:44,270
Well, that's unusual these days.

233
00:39:44,610 --> 00:39:45,710
Well, not really. He was a vicar.

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00:39:47,290 --> 00:39:49,870
And I shall never forget his last
sermon.

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00:40:57,320 --> 00:41:00,000
for the church? Well, that's a question
easily answered.

236
00:41:00,460 --> 00:41:01,760
Yes? What was the question?

237
00:41:03,240 --> 00:41:05,260
Well, did he make a lot of money for the
church?

238
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:06,520
Well, you'd take last Wednesday.

239
00:41:06,580 --> 00:41:07,940
Yes. You'd take anything, wouldn't you?

240
00:41:09,140 --> 00:41:12,200
Well, he's on this train, you see, and
he got involved in a poker game. Oh,

241
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:13,200
dear.

242
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:36,760
And I'll bet five.

243
00:41:37,340 --> 00:41:38,560
I'll raise, yep.

244
00:41:40,380 --> 00:41:41,380
You're ten.

245
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:42,960
Raise five.

246
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:45,840
Up to you, mate.

247
00:41:53,260 --> 00:41:56,860
Oh, uh, sorry, Vicar. Just a little game
of poker.

248
00:41:57,080 --> 00:41:58,160
No, no, relax, relax.

249
00:41:58,580 --> 00:42:00,260
Because I don't call poker gambling.

250
00:42:00,660 --> 00:42:03,740
You don't? Oh, I shouldn't call it
gambling when it's already called poker.

251
00:42:10,759 --> 00:42:12,040
You're not playing for money, are you?

252
00:42:12,540 --> 00:42:14,160
I hope that represents matches.

253
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:16,980
Exactly, that's it.

254
00:42:17,380 --> 00:42:19,500
Would you care to sit in, Vicar?

255
00:42:19,860 --> 00:42:22,560
No, thank you, because I only played one
game once, Bazik.

256
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:23,980
But I didn't play it very often.

257
00:42:24,740 --> 00:42:25,840
Bazik? How do you play that?

258
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:27,700
I don't know, that's why I didn't play
it very often.

259
00:42:30,140 --> 00:42:32,640
Do you mind if I watch? No, no, be our
guest. Oh, thank you.

260
00:42:47,690 --> 00:42:48,690
me, wasn't you?

261
00:42:48,950 --> 00:42:50,410
You were making me laugh, weren't you?

262
00:42:51,890 --> 00:42:53,590
Well, it parted the time.

263
00:42:54,250 --> 00:42:56,150
With a hand like that, you should have
passed ages ago.

264
00:42:57,990 --> 00:42:59,430
What do you think of this hand, Vicar?

265
00:42:59,690 --> 00:43:00,690
Oh, yes.

266
00:43:02,010 --> 00:43:04,850
Go forth, be fruitful, and multiply.

267
00:43:07,970 --> 00:43:08,970
I'll bet 20.

268
00:43:09,510 --> 00:43:11,090
Do you think I should have changed one?

269
00:43:12,190 --> 00:43:15,510
Remember, my son, it's easier for a
camel to go through an eye of a needle.

270
00:43:16,030 --> 00:43:17,530
Then that's an odd one for a full house.

271
00:43:18,570 --> 00:43:19,570
Thank you, Vicar.

272
00:43:19,810 --> 00:43:22,130
That case, 20.

273
00:43:24,190 --> 00:43:25,950
Vicar, what about these?

274
00:43:26,550 --> 00:43:27,910
Lord Novus Pobus.

275
00:43:28,510 --> 00:43:29,510
What's that mean?

276
00:43:29,590 --> 00:43:30,590
I don't know.

277
00:43:32,530 --> 00:43:35,130
Go on. What's that mean? You've got to
code, eh? You've got to code.

278
00:43:35,490 --> 00:43:36,490
Oh, raise 20.

279
00:43:38,910 --> 00:43:40,290
Have faith, my son.

280
00:43:44,130 --> 00:43:45,130
I'll see you.

281
00:43:45,900 --> 00:43:47,860
I'll see you. I'll see you. Run.

282
00:43:50,780 --> 00:43:52,240
Only four aces, I'm afraid.

283
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:56,820
Only four aces? Only four aces? We'll be
sitting here all night long. I'm not a

284
00:43:56,820 --> 00:43:58,360
beggar. What?

285
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:03,100
See, I told you it worked, didn't I?

286
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:06,100
Yes, but really, sir, is this the right
way to make money for the church?

287
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:10,660
Listen, when you're the vicar, you can
do it your way.

288
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:12,300
Until now, follow me.

289
00:44:27,819 --> 00:44:33,720
And so we thankfully close another...
With regret, close another chapter in

290
00:44:33,720 --> 00:44:36,060
glamorous life story of Tommy Cooper.

291
00:44:38,460 --> 00:44:39,720
Next day, Tom. Oh, yes.

292
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:43,740
Now, I'd like you to meet a very old
friend of mine.

293
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:46,320
As a matter of fact, I didn't know he
was so old.

294
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:51,760
I need not say any more than Vince. Yes?

295
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:54,680
What's his other name? Hill. Hill.

296
00:44:54,940 --> 00:44:57,560
Oh, yes. Ladies and gentlemen, an old
friend of mine, Hill Hillvitz.

297
00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:10,460
What good is sitting alone in your room?

298
00:45:11,500 --> 00:45:14,340
Come hear the music play.

299
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:18,360
Life is a can...

300
00:45:19,850 --> 00:45:23,850
old chum, so won't you come to this
cabaret?

301
00:45:25,850 --> 00:45:32,730
Put down your knitting, the book and the
broom, because it's time for a

302
00:45:32,730 --> 00:45:33,730
holiday.

303
00:45:35,630 --> 00:45:42,570
Oh, life is a cabaret, old chum, so
won't you come to this

304
00:45:42,570 --> 00:45:43,890
cabaret?

305
00:45:44,890 --> 00:45:46,750
Come taste the wine.

306
00:45:47,390 --> 00:45:49,250
Come hear the band.

307
00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:56,340
Come blow your horn and start
celebrating Right this way your table's

308
00:45:56,340 --> 00:46:03,060
What good's permitting some prophet of
doom To wipe every smile

309
00:46:03,060 --> 00:46:09,320
away Life is a cabaret,

310
00:46:09,460 --> 00:46:15,540
old chum Yes, it's a cabaret, old chum

311
00:46:15,540 --> 00:46:18,540
Life is a cabaret

312
00:46:19,950 --> 00:46:26,510
So won't you come to this cabaret?

313
00:46:38,630 --> 00:46:43,990
Maybe this time I'll be lucky.

314
00:46:45,010 --> 00:46:48,070
Maybe this time she'll stay.

315
00:46:51,630 --> 00:46:58,570
Maybe this time for the first time Love
won't

316
00:46:58,570 --> 00:47:05,310
hurry away She will hold me

317
00:47:05,310 --> 00:47:11,830
fast I'll be home at

318
00:47:11,830 --> 00:47:17,030
last Not a loser

319
00:47:17,030 --> 00:47:20,570
anymore like

320
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:28,720
And the time before Everybody

321
00:47:28,720 --> 00:47:35,300
loves a winner So nobody

322
00:47:35,300 --> 00:47:41,940
loves me Mr. Peaceful

323
00:47:41,940 --> 00:47:43,580
Mr.

324
00:47:44,660 --> 00:47:48,980
Happy That's what I long to be

325
00:47:54,390 --> 00:48:01,310
In my favor, something's bound to

326
00:48:01,310 --> 00:48:02,310
begin.

327
00:48:04,430 --> 00:48:09,490
It's got to happen, happen sometime.

328
00:48:10,530 --> 00:48:14,030
Maybe this time I'll win.

329
00:48:16,510 --> 00:48:21,350
Everybody loves a winner.

330
00:48:30,250 --> 00:48:31,250
peaceful.

331
00:48:32,130 --> 00:48:33,330
Mr. Happy

332
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:03,160
This time.

333
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:54,480
See, I was thinking that, you know,
sometimes there's great performers like

334
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:55,480
Jolson.

335
00:49:56,900 --> 00:49:57,900
Remember Al Jolson?

336
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:01,820
He used to sing. I mean,

337
00:50:04,060 --> 00:50:06,260
he didn't have a microphone. No
microphones.

338
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:08,000
None at all.

339
00:50:08,300 --> 00:50:09,920
And he'd get on one knee and sing.

340
00:50:10,740 --> 00:50:14,860
Oh, I love it. Oh, I love it. Oh, man.

341
00:50:18,220 --> 00:50:19,220
So I went.

342
00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:26,640
And people rushed to the back to shout
and say things like, Ow, we can't hear

343
00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:27,640
you.

344
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:36,700
And the other great performer, the best
of the lot, I think, is still Bing

345
00:50:36,700 --> 00:50:37,700
Crosby.

346
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:39,080
Don't you?

347
00:50:39,780 --> 00:50:40,780
I'll do it for you.

348
00:50:41,540 --> 00:50:42,600
May I have a spot, please?

349
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:44,120
I'm over here.

350
00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:45,880
Thank you.

351
00:50:46,260 --> 00:50:47,260
Thank you.

352
00:50:49,420 --> 00:50:55,840
When the blues of the night... ...miss
those

353
00:50:55,840 --> 00:51:00,680
of day... ...some...

354
00:51:18,570 --> 00:51:24,590
When the blue of the night meets the
gold

355
00:51:24,590 --> 00:51:31,270
of the day, someone waits for

356
00:51:31,270 --> 00:51:32,650
me.

357
00:51:35,210 --> 00:51:42,130
Not only... Will you make up your

358
00:51:42,130 --> 00:51:43,130
mind what it will do...